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The Sabotage of Self-sabotage: Manipulated Motives

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The Sabotage of Self-sabotage

Emotional, Psychological & Relational Empowerment for Students

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If you are in the demanding environment of University, having recently survived the demanding environment of High School, we think it’s fair to say that a bridge may need to be built between the emotional, psychological, and relational individual that you are, and the weight of academic expectation that you need to carry at this time, in order to become the person you would like to be. 

Over 25-years of Mental-health Care counselling has taught us one primary lesson; the neglect of our inner-most self, always creates a dependency for external affirmation.  

What follows, therefore, is an emotional, psychological, and relational supplement to understanding the root systems of the stresses and strains of student life, and how to integrate both the inner-most you, and your academic evolution. 

It is very often during these stressful periods that many students feel a need to put on a brave face, suffer in silence, and ‘just get on with it.’ Yet these self-imposed isolation periods are breeding grounds of self-doubts and anxieties and are usually made worse by distorted perceptions of expectations. 

Subsequently, as they quietly slide into a depressive state of mind and mood, they start looking for paths of less resistance, and in so doing, sabotage their potentials. 

The quality of the influences and support that they grew up in, qualities and support that got them through High School and into University, gradually start to deteriorate under an influence of uncertainty because of what they were ‘not told.’ Subsequently, within world-wide communities of student bodies, there is a shortage of tomorrows leaders who truly know what an ‘independent sense of self-worth’ is.  

They tend to believe ‘the quality of their certificate will determine what type of person they are’, as opposed to ‘the person they are determining the quality of their certificate.’

What follows, from 25-years of counselling academic and professional giants in the private sector, is a road map through five of the most destructive dynamics at play in the highest of academic establishments today, dynamics that we call ‘Self-sabotage’.    

Dynamics of Self-sabotage:

  1. Manipulated Motives 
  2. Lack of Emotional Intelligence 
  3. Resentments 
  4. Unrealistic Expectations
  5. Secrets

Manipulated Motives

In any context, if ever counselling might be required, in order to achieve desired qualities of progress, a foundational requirement is always a sensitive examination of motives. 

Motives for receiving counselling can be wide and varied, but life changing progress can only really be made when counsellor and counselee can establish and agree upon the motives beneath the counselling. 

In possibly 60 to 70% of pre-counselling analysis, most clients were assisted in recognising deep seated distortions of motives. 

For example: ‘okay, I did not come for counselling because I believe that I need help. I came to save my marriage, to save my career, and to get access to my children. I’m doing what looks to be the right thing, but secretly, it’s all for the wrong reasons. 

But now, why I came into counselling does not have to be the motive behind why I continue in counselling, I can actually become a better person from this.’

This same rule applies to students. In what can often feel like the ‘fog of despair and doubt’ during increasing pressures of studies, deadlines and internal struggles, why you started this course, does not necessarily have to be why you continue. 

Maybe you find yourself in Law School, or Medical School, or Military Academy, off the back of ‘motivational manipulations’ of parents, wanting what ’they think would be best for you,’ 

But then the reality is, it’s left you feeling silently resentful, doubtful, and questioning whether or not you want to continue. 

Left to fester, these feelings will eventually manifest themselves in ’out of character’ attitudes and behaviours. 

If so, we really want to encourage you not to make another life defining decision, in the fog of uncertainty. It is safe to say that not everything your parents said or did was all right, but it is equally as fair to say that neither was it all wrong. 

Whatever the reasons were for starting your current course of study, do not have to be the reasons why you carry on and finish.

Something you will only realize from experience and hindsight is, there’s no such thing as a waisted course of study, be it at level of diploma, doctorate, or degree. 

What you will also come to realize, especially if you one day become a parent is, finishing the course, is more important for character development than anything any academic qualification can offer, and that developed character, will take you further in life than any certificate could. 

Where you are, right now, is a window of life and opportunity to develop character and qualification.  

So, with these thoughts in mind, and a qualified character as our goal, what follows is a short and easy to grasp series of readings in how to sabotage our own tendencies to self-sabotage, by exposing the exact nature of the potential beasts, and learning how to take their teeth out.

In the context of Manipulated Motives, simply facing and embracing the reality of now finding yourself in a place of parental persuasion, is one of the many liberating keys towards freedom of identity. 

Face it, embrace it, release it to the past. Your background no longer has to determine your future, as of today.  

At Are You OK, we want to offer you a wide variety of personal development courses, supplementary to your academic efforts.

Our courses stretch beyond academic reward and establish platforms for new levels of relational enrichment and character stability for the coal face of your chosen careers. 

Our variety of courses run at a user-friendly pace, are available on your phone or device, offer a no-fail structure, and a guarantee of new levels of psychological and emotional well-being and self-understanding.   

Personal one-to-one guidance, in a very relaxed mentoring atmosphere is also going to be available, suitable to your own personal needs.

If you feel that this is something you would like to engage with for the duration of your studies, alongside the benefits of everything our website offers, please contact our senior development supervisor (Colin Garnett)  

Colin & Deanna Garnett 

BA Th, Dip Addiction & Child Psychology

BA LLB

Email: colingarnett59@gmail.com

© Colin Garnett 2022.